White dress and a sticky mess all over your conscience
Happy is your day today, but forever is your penance.
Sweetness seeps from lipstick smiles, then "pursed-lipped-ish" flutter
We are curving straight-backed aisles; we are the pattern of "other"

Yes it seems we're out of place, my lover and I
especially when the people turned to me and asked
(with furrowed brow)
"Exactly how is it that you know the bride?"
I just sipped my drink, thought of you and lied...

Five short years ago seems I threatened your existence
You questioned all you'd come to know; secrecy sealed your resistance.
Now I've come to your wedding in open-ended clothing
(My unshaven pits and) I forgive your fear and your self-loathing.

I just sipped my drink, thought of you and lied
I considered the consequences on your special and the circumstances
what was I supposed to say?
Because y'see, I boinked the bride...

I look at you and you seemed so happy in your different life
And I smiled at your smile as he introduced you as his wife
I came here with the purest of intentions and support
And you should know you've inspired my own commitment, of sorts:
I envision a world where truth is never inappropriate
So, I solemnly swear, 'til death do I part that... the next time:

I will lift my head, clear my throat and say with pride
I boinked the bride...

And I'll consider the consequences on this day or any day
of keeping the truth in, it will eat you away because all I wanted to say was: I boinked the bride...

Now it's done; it's all confirmed: you're all that you can handle.
I hope he gives good love and sperm and life without any real scandal.
Why didn't you ask me to sing at your wedding?